the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
