Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
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Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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