I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
