so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
