i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
