Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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