Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize