make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
