Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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