hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
