I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
