I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
