My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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