she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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