im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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