The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
