I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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