Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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