Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
