let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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