I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
