He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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