listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
