I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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