How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
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highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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Naked. naked and bneed help.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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