I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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