You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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