I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
