u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
