yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize