he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
