Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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