new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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