My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
