Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
