dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
