Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
