I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize