Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
