I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
why do cheetos always look like penises
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
