sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
