i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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