Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize