If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
