bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
