I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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