I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
