I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
