Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
