did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
