I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
