just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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