carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
