I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
