the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize