He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize