i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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