yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
