I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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