dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
