you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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