There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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